Fear of Death

“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.”

Mark Twain

Dying is a necessity of life. Still there might be a lot of fear from death. What are the causes for the fear? They might be, for example, fear of not living this life fully, fear of the unknown, fear of a painful death, fear of being forgotten or something else. Fear may appear for egoistic reasons: how will my family survive without me, will I be remembered, what will happen to me and my belongings. We might also have fear of someone close to us dying.

Let the ego die first

Fear of death often arises, when we are attached to things. If we don’t see our body as separate from our mind or soul, we might get attached to our ego. Ego, according to yoga, is a production of the mind. It can easily formulate a self-image that is fake and based on false beliefs of how we see ourselves, or how we think other people see us. Ego is built on our work, wealth, success, achievements, relationships and material possessions. All of these are impermanent elements in our life. Building our self-image upon them can be very harmful and cause us a lot of suffering once those things disappear from us.

In yoga, fear of death is called abhinivesa. In Indian scriptures it is said that fear of death comes when we are clinging to life and we are attached to our body.

To get over the fear of death, we need to fully understand that we are not our body, we are not our mind and we are not our ego.

All of them are in constant state of change, and as long we are unwilling to accept it, they cause us fear of losing them. Because what will finally happen when we die is that all of those impermanent things will be gone. Body becomes dirt, and the products of the mind, such as emotions, thoughts and ego, disappear.

Show compassion to those who are dying

Fear may occur in cases when we need to be supporting to those who are going to die soon. The Tibetan book of Living and Dying gives a lot of helpful advice and thoughts for how to be compassionate towards the dying, instead of panicking, fearing and or abandoning them.

“You cannot help the dying until you have acknowledged how their fear of dying disturbs you and brings up your most uncomfortable fears… When you come to try and help the dying, you will need to examine your every reaction, since your reactions will be reflected in those of the person dying and will contribute a great deal to their help or detriment”.

“Sometimes I think there could be no more effective way of speeding up our growth as human beings than working with the dying”.

Sogyal Rinpoche

Looking at your fears honestly will help you in our own journey to maturity. From my own experience I cannot help but agree with this. I worked as a personal assistant to a dying client for a time during his last months. I found the work most meaningful when I was just staying present with him. That didn’t include talking or doing something to fill the empty and silent space, but just sitting next to his bed and being with him. My message to him was to stay present and help him not to feel being left alone. I found these few months very valuable in helping me face death and show compassion without fear.

How to prepare yourself for death?

We should be thinking about death every day, without fear. It is good to remind yourself how death is present in each moment. Yogis say that each inhale is life and every exhale is death. Inhaling is the first thing we do when being born and we exhale as the last thing when we die.

Take time for yourself to see if you have any fears for death. Try to find out what are the reasons that make you feel this way. Is it a feeling of not doing enough in your life? See if you can start facing death with a calm and accepting attitude. Don’t wait too long, as we don’t know what life brings us.

Start today

1. 1. Don’t fear love. Tell your family, friends and close ones how much you love them.
   2. Make peace with your past. Whether it is a relationship, unfinished business, regrets over something you didn’t do or places you didn’t go, let it go from your mind. If it requires fixing a misunderstanding or miscommunication that has been bothering you, contact that person to tell them. Fix what needs to be fixed and let the rest go.
   3. Become aware of things that are built on your ego. Meditate on things that are not permanent in your life, but which you might have taken for granted. Whether they are relationships, wealth, health, material possessions or friends. Remind yourself that these thing don’t last forever. Notice which things you’ll find difficult to let go of. Remember, your ego is not same as your inner self.
   4. Choose what are the most important things in your life and prioritize them in your all actions.
   5. See if you are in a place where you are giving your full potential of being present for your work, relationships and free time. If not, what needs to be changed to feel that you are living fully?
   6. Feel gratitude for everything you have got in your life so far. Give credit to those people, whether they are friends, teachers or family members, who have supported you and helped you in your self-growth. Send a mail or message to tell them how important and inspirational they have been for you.

Think about death, daily

Start organizing your life into a condition that at one point you realize that the fear of death might have disappeared. Value life, enjoy life and create a mental condition where there is no place for fear. Thinking of death doesn’t mean that we need to be neurotic or obsessed with death, but have a healthy understanding that it might happen anytime. Each moment now is already past and death.

As the Buddhists say: one should acknowledge death every day. It doesn’t mean you don’t want to live, but that you are not denying death, nor fearing it.

Yoga Philosophy series by Anni Rainio

1. 1. Is there afterlife?
   2. What makes life suffering
   3. Reincarnation vs. Rebirth
   4. Do our present actions affect our future life?
   5. Transcending the fear of death
   6. How to find life purpose
   7. Acting from compassion
   8. Process of dying according to Tibetan Buddhism
   9. Process of dying – Perspectives from Hindu philosophies
   10. Breaking the cycle of samsara
   11. Enlightenment

Recommended readings on life, death, and the afterlife

The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying

Four Chapters on Freedom

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About the Author

This blog post is written by Anni Rainio, Doron Yoga Teacher -alumni, who is doing her 300h yoga teacher studies at Doron Yoga & Zen Center. She wrote a thesis about process of dying and rebirth from the yogic and Buddhist perspectives. This series of Yoga Philosophy blog texts are giving tastes of her theoretical studies. Please feel free to comment and share your thoughts either here to annirainio@gmail.com.

Check out Anni’s website: www.annirainio.com