Stories and Drama in Our Head

Being addicted to drama happens over time. Like many addictions, we begin with some mini exaggerations of reality, feeling a victim, dramatically criticizing, taking things out of context, or losing sight of what actually is happening.

Some of us feel more alive when there is drama in our lives. Furthermore, our emotional states are more sensitive, alert, and reactive, all of which increase feelings—for better or for worse.

Relationships might not feel alive unless they have stories and drama. Some situations don’t feel worth talking about unless we fabricate a story or make it grander than it was, thus bringing drama into it. 

Internal and External Drama

Drama can be external or internal. Internal drama happens when we make up stories about what is happening to us. Often, these stories are bigger than what is actually happening. During my time in the U.S., I often heard people use the expression “Making a mountain out of a molehill.” We exaggerate and make the happenings feel as if they’re a big deal. Many of our internal dramas are led by the ego. And the more drama we have, the more addicted to drama we get.

Like an ego-rich, demanding army general, it loves feeling respected and influential. It assures us that life does not get dull. However, how often do we want to escape to a yoga retreat just to get away from the overly dramatic life we lead? 

External drama is more of a distraction for the mind. This includes what we observe and what we absorb from those observations. It also includes other people’s drama, even fictitious drama on TV or the exaggerations of the news. These kinds of drama take us from our present moment and add excitement to our lives.

External dramas also help strengthen the ego. We are less of a failure if others have it worse. Focusing on outer drama, other people, news, social media, movies, or any other reality that is not our own may help distract us from what is actually happening to us at the very moment, especially if it’s negative.

Many people use external drama as a way to fog their reality. As a means of escape. The drama, of course, can also be of a positive attitude.  When the trip we have just taken is the BEST trip ever – or the dinner, the party, the date, the wedding – If it were truly the best, are you bound for a downhill turn? Life always has ups and downs, but how we deal with them is what matters. 

Being Addicted to Drama, How Stories and Drama Show Up 

Essentially, all drama is perceived as big or small and good or bad.  The mind labels it and then makes up a story around it.

For example, we might decide that the divorce we’re going through is the end of the world, making it both a big and bad deal. This is just a label we’re giving it.  We’re adding more pain than necessary to the actual happenings.

The same thing happens when we lose a job or worry about death. If we take the pain we are going through and add a bigger story to it, we then turn the pain into a greater suffering—the pain of pain. If we can remain in the present moment and take appropriate action to meet the moment’s needs without going into our heads and converting reality to a Netflix drama, we can go through it faster and with greater ease.

Take Better Action Without the Drama

Practice being present 24/7. Meditation practices help us stay focused on the present moment and be aware of our mind’s activities (the citta vrittis).

The more we practice awareness when we are at ease, the better we can control our minds (nirodha). Thus, we would be able to take action that is found in a conscious response rather than an unconscious reaction. Action that is not tainted by the labeling of our minds (manas).  The right action leads to a state of equanimity (upeksha). A state where the drama doesn’t overtake the wellness of our being, and we release being addicted to drama.

We strive to control our minds and see reality for what it is. We do our best not to make pain out of sensations and happenings that don’t need to be painful and not allow unwanted drama into our lives. We can hold a boundary against the suffering that exaggerated drama brings. This gives us freedom from suffering and entry to states of peace.

In Peace,

Doron