Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter  Mark Twain

Have you been missing key ingredients for happiness?

Have you gone through a midlife crisis?

What is it like?

At what age did it happen?

Life expectancy is constantly going up, which means that a midlife crisis should happen at an older age. Or is age even relevant? Could it be that it is the point where you feel you have completed something great in your life and you are not sure what is next? Or is it the point when you freak out that time is running out and you are missing out on living life? Is this why men buy toys? What are the ingredients for happiness?

It is a shock for me that I am no longer 27. Mostly, I think I am 35. It is only when I reflect on all the experiences, love, things I’ve done, places I’ve lived in and people I met, that I realize I am actually 73.

Age really matters only if you know when you will die. Two people may freak out that they turned 40 or 50, but if one dies at 60 and one at 90, then the 40 or 50 are very different for each, relative to how much time they still have left.

Fear of death

Patanjali – a yoga sage – lists one of the mind afflictions (kleshas), as fear of death (Abhinivesha). What does this mean? It can mean many things. For example, I may feel that my self is vanishing as I grow older, and in order to maintain my self, I need to leave behind things that will make me immortal. Things like artwork, a book or a legacy. (Read this good book by Kundera) So this year, right on my birthday (June 8th – yep, a Gemini), The Yoga Lifestyle was published. Thank you Llewellyn publishers, for making my name just a bit immortal. Does it really matter? Well, what matters is that people read it and hopefully get something out of it.

Living your dream

I also bought land to start an ashram – Doron Yoga & Zen Center. Great, right? Well, of course, it was a dream, but dreams have a price. I am here, mostly on my own working on creating this place. Most people are at home working on their career and taking care of family, and me?

Well, still like a 27-year-old, living in a hostel, eating simply, wearing old shoes and pants that I bought at 27 (19 years ago!), working on my land. But it’s not creating my own little garden, or writing a blog post. This is much bigger than me working on my own. I am working with others that often barely speak Spanish, and other workers that sometimes understand what I want, and sometimes do things that seem to make no sense (from my perspective of course. I am sure it made sense to them to put the posts where they did, even if spacing was uneven.)  What it means is that I have to let go of my perfectionism, and accept that it will not always be as I hope for it to be.

My neighbor told me as I bought the land, ‘building here will require all your yogi skills, mostly patience”. Indeed it has. And I am happy to say that after the first few days, I managed to surrender much of my perfectionism and move on, just doing the best that is possible in every situation. All else is a waste of time and energy.

The perfectionist

Those who know me, especially the women I had longer relationships with, know that I am very observant, and that’s not always a good thing. Mostly because I wanted things to be as perfect as can be, and of course they never are, so I see the good and the less good as well. Patanjali – the yoga sage – also says that most of our suffering is due to wanting things to be different than they are.

A good recipe for happiness is learning to accept things as they are, and to work on changing what can be changed with no attachment to the result. Getting stuck on wanting things to turn out exactly as I wish for them to be is a recipe for disappointment and suffering.

So here I am asking forgiveness from all those that I demanded too much from. This includes myself. I am still the crazy ambitious Doron, but I have softened and let go of much of it. For example, I practice more of Doron Yoga these days, and less of Ashtanga third series. This helps me keep a more sustainable practice.

So what have I learned at 45? 11 Key ingredients for happiness

1.    Time flies; don’t wait ‘till you are retired to fulfill your dreams.

2.    Your dreams may seem amazing, but in reality they may be very different.

3.    Go for your dreams, and accept that everything is constantly changing, including your dreams and the way they will manifest.

4.    Happiness is about the journey. Know where you are going, but enjoy the road to your dreams, as the present is the only dream that really exists – Focus on the road in front of you, not the destination.

5.    Fear not your death. Once you die, all your dreams make no difference.

6.    Study and act with no fear, as if you will live forever, but do not save yourself for the future, as it may never come.

7.    The past is gone, regrets are useless, but the experiences of a life well lived are part of who you are today. Live fully, dance, laugh, play and celebrate.

8.   Immerse yourself in nature. You will find the connection to the source.

9.   Don’t take yourself too seriously. Your self is changing like everything else. You will simply be left behind.

10. Study, create, do the best that you can, but let go of the need for specific results.

11. Do nothing. Yes, it took me years to finally be able to sit and do nothing for a while. Not think, not read, not even meditate, simply do nothing. You will find your true self.

Please share a comment below with your birthday realizations, no matter what age you are. Share this article to friends who think they need a mid-life crisis! Let them be inspired!

Blissful Living,

Doron